love can be hard
by storiesthatneedtobetold
Summary: this story follows what Serena and Bernie go through on an alternate roof scene and the aftermath this is my first fanfic so I apologise if its riddled with errors but enjoy and please review any feed back would be very much appreciated
1. Chapter 1

"Serena... Serena"

All sorts was running through Bernie's mind as she frantically called out to her lover not wanting to wait for security she banged her whole body against the door desperately trying to get it open after the third push finally the door swung open to reveal the roof. Running out into the cold air with fletch and jasmine hot on her tail she scream her name again.

"Serena" she screams desperately trying to locate her

"Serena" fletch echoed

"ms Campbell" jasmine tiny voice shouted

Looking round scanning every inch of the roof something in the corner catches her eye a red coat hanging over in the distance. Without thinking she goes running towards it trying her best to get there despite all the obstacles in her way.

When she reaches it her heart skips a beat its Serena's she thought she must be up here again her feet start to move her closer to where the coat was hanging as she grabs it in hope of some sort of sign that she can see where Serena something falls out the coat and onto the hard floor.

On closer inspection she turns over the small object to see it's a picture of her and serena from a couple of weeks ago there both smiling on it. Thinking back bernie remembers that night well.

 _Couple of weeks ago_

 _Bernie and Serena_ _had been seeing less of each other due to work and the grief of Ellie_ _that Serena_ _had carrying around_ _with her s Bernie_ _had decided_ _to give her some space. That was until_ _they had reached a breaking point they both missed the other but neither knew how to make things better._

 _As Bernie was leaving the hospital one night she was just getting in her car when_

 _"Bernie don't go please wait" she turned to see the stunning Serena_ _Campbell_ _running_ _after her so she stopped and got out the car and looked to the woman before her._

 _"please don't go home come back to mine I miss you im_ _sorry for pushing you away I jus... just the pain it wont_ _go away." Without being able to finish her sentence_ _Serena broke down right in front of Bernie._

 _"Serena its_ _okay I understand its_ _fine" Bernie took Serena in her arms and just held whispering reassuring_ _words into her ear. Once Serena_ _had composed herself_ _she went to speak again but was cut off._

 _"how about you get in and I'll_ _drive us back to your we can have a bottle of shiraz and order in, I have missed you too Serena we will get through_ _this together."_

 _"that sounds delightful I really am sorry you know I never mean to hurt you in any of this." Serena said looking Bernie right in the eyes._

 _"I know look were both to blame anyway tonight is all about us let's_ _try and_ _relax."_ _With that_ _Bernie took Serena's_ _hand and led her to the passenger side opening the door and waiting till she got in where she closed the door and made her way to the drivers side._

 _"Always the gentleman ms Wolfe" Serena remarked_

 _"well I do like to try ms Campbell."_

 _As the hours rolled_ _by before they knew it they were on the couch howling away at some TV_ _program sitting cuddled up as if nothing had changed. They weren't_ _drunk they_ _had one glass each as neither of them wanted to have a bad head in the morning_ _especially_ _with a double_ _shift looming over them._

 _As the ad came on the bother sat with their_ _hands entwined just_ _looking at each other_ _with such love until_ _the laughing began again._

 _Serena turned to Bernie_

 _"Thank you so much for tonight I haven't_ _felt like this in so long and it's_ _thanks to you."_

 _"Serena there's_ _no need to thank me you are the one who makes me feel so happy I havent_ _felt like this for so long so thank you."_

 _Without words needing to be spoke they both leant_ _in towards_ _the other and kissed with such passion it was like the first time they kissed all over again, when they finally broke for air they were both grinning from ear to ear just looking at the other. When flash._

 _Both stunned the turned around to see Jason_ _stood there with a camera in his hand which was pointing right at them._

 _"Auntie Serena , Bernie look what Alan gave me" he said gestering_ _to the camera in front of him_

 _"Well that was very nice of him how come he gave it to you."Serena quizzed_

 _"well he said that I should capture all the happy things in life the good moment he said then later on in life I can look back and remember all the fun and happy times ive_ _had here look at the photo of you and Bernie you both look so happy."_

 _With that he pressed_ _some buttons and flipped the screen to face them he was right they did look hapy_ _not only that they were happy._

 **Present** **time**

Bernie looked at the photo in her hand and smiled that was a lovely night but when she went to put the photo in her pocket to keep it safe she saw some writing on the back."I'm sorry Bernie". I that moment her heart shattered she needed to find Serena now.

"Bernie Quick we've found her over here." Running over to fletch as she could hear the worry in his voice as he spoke.

When she got there she saw her Beautiful Serena stood on the edge of the hospital roof as she began to get closer she looked over the edge and saw a bit roof from another building connected to the hospital about 3 stories below.

"get back now get back" Serena screamed Bernie did as she was told however calculating the injuries that could happen if she fell it would only be falling from 3 stories which yes in its own right could kill or cause serious harm but it's better than being another 50 yards to the left where it's a 6 story fall.

"Fletch jasmine you go now it's not safe you being here. Me and Serena are just going to talk well be in later." She tried to convince herself as she said it.

"not Bernie im staying it not safe for anyone to be here." Fletch raised his concerns.

Knowing that she could get Serena down but only if they were alone she looked t Fletch willing him to go he finally understood and went to walk away.

"come on Jasmine lefts leave ms Wolfe and ms Campbell alone now." Before he turned to leave Bernie mouthed GET HELP and he nodded knowing she was the best person to be here right now.

Turning back to face Serena who was still stood on the edge of the roof but she was still holding on to the safety railing which meant she was still unsure about what she wanted to do."


	2. Chapter 2

"it's a really nice view from up here wow you can see the whole of Holby I've been up here before of course but never at night it looks so magical" Bernie speaks trying to engage in conversation with Serena.

"is that mo and jac down there it looks like them I might have to come here more often it really is a great view don't you think..."

Silence

Knowing she wasn't getting through to her Bernie moved closer towards the edge carefully as to not frighten her.

"Stop Bernie please don't come any closer I don't want you here please just leave I want to be alone I need to do this alone." Serena pleaded

"Serena I'm not going anywhere so if you want me to leave your going to have to get over here and push me to that door." Bernie edges just a little closer the bar was now within reach just a few more steps and shed be able to get under the bar and over the other side.

Using her army training to her advantage before Serena had chance to reply to her Bernie was under the bar and standing right next to Serena staring down to the bottom of the hospital.

"Serena look at me please look at me this isn't the way out please come back inside."

Serena now realizing Bernie was next to her. Tried her best not to look at her in fear of just breaking down.

"Bernie you don't understand nobody understands every second of everyday I think back to the die she died the day my precious Daughter was taken away from me I should have been there I should of examined her myself or least been there when jasmine did if I was there the maybe I'd have noticed there was something wrong. I'm her mother and I wasn't there for her when she needed me most.i failed her... oh god it was my fault I killed her I was a rubbish mother."

For once in her life Bernie Wolfe was speechless how had she not noticed this is how she felt god she could of helped her in some way before it got this far before they were stood on the top of the hospital roof.

Bernie moved that inch closer so she was now touching Serena and held her hand on the bar trying to comfort her in some way forgetting where they were she just wanted Serena to know she was there for her she always would be there for her.

"Serena this wasn't your fault it was an accident no one could of seen what was going to happen and you were making sure Jason was okay you couldn't have known this was going to happen. Why didn't you tell me this is how you have been feeling I could of helped you talked to you at least please Serena lets get down from here and talk."

The air was now freezing yet it didn't seem to be affecting the two surgeons standing on the edge.

"it is it's all my fault why would I talk to you your not exactly qualified to be giving out advice are you come on Bernie what makes you so special just coz you were a major well look around were not in the army now so what use are you. Just go leave me alone I don't need you here. I wish you had stayed in Ukraine"

Serena was trying her best to push Bernie away saying everything she knew that would hurt her but deep down Bernie was the only person she really cared about there was Jason as well. She didn't want to be saying these things but she didn't want Bernie to have to witness this.

Bernie was stunned at what had just left Serena's mouth but she knew she didn't mean it non of it she knew Serena Campbell very well and she could tell when she was lying but it didn't mean the words didn't hurt. However she thought back to there earlier talk in the toilet when she told Serena that she could take anything she had to say as she loved her and could take all the abuse maybe she listened and was just trying to get it all out now.

Buzz buzzz Bernies phone vibrated in her pocket.

She ignored it and tried to form the words in her head that would make Serena listen really listen to her.

"you should get that it could be a patient you don't want someone dying coz your to busy up here."

"I don't care about the phone or a patient there are other doctors in this place that can sort that I'm here to save someone more important than anyone else in this whole hospital." She was mad now she knew Serena was hurting and this wasn't really her speaking.

"I know that you don't mean anything you just said you just want me to leave you trying to push me away well its not working you could say anything and I would still be stood by your side as I love you and you are my partner god you're my best friend I'm the one who should be there for you whenever you need someone to talk to Serena talk to me please talk to me what's your plan what you going to do throw yourself off the roof.

You think that's going to fix all your problems coz it wont even if you did jump you know id save if go through hell on earth to save you even if I had to give you my own dam organs so please tell me what the big plan is. Serena you are not alone please whatever you came up here to do don't do it just step back from the edge and we will talk even if I have to sit on this roof for the rest of my life listening to you then I will just please Serena this isn't the way out."

Bernie now had tears streaming down her face she didn't know what else could be said she just hoped Serena was going to listen.

"Bernie I'm sorry please forgive me...


	3. Chapter 3

Serena's mind was made there was nothing left for her to do here now all's she was doing was hurting the people close to her. First she was bullying jasmine trying somehow to save Ellie even though it's too late. Then there's Jason she'd made him hate her he wants to move out and be with Alan as shed been so focused on teaching jasmine a lesson shed failed to realize shed been neglecting him. Then there's the hospital duties she'd let her paperwork stack up and she'd been short tempered with half the ward they were like a family to her and yet she had treated them like crap.

Last but not least there was Bernie Wolfe the woman who she loved and admired so much she'd hurt her most of all she hadn't let her in when she should have she'd lied to her pushed her away time and time again always claiming she wanted to walk to work walk home from work or to just be alone. Yet Bernie had let her everyone had let her do what she had as they all blame it on the grief of losing her daughter. God even she herself had blamed everything on the grief but now it's time. Time to put things right she knew what she needed to do even if it was going to be painful.

Looking to the woman stood next to her the woman who now had tear stained cheeks really did break her heart. She tried to move her hand but couldn't the hand of her lover held so tight she knew the blood circulation would be being cut off. She wanted to break free from the hold but she couldn't not without a struggle and she didn't want that no Bernie could end up getting hurt and that wasn't the plan non of this had gone to plan. If only she had been quicker than non of this would of happened.

"Serena." Finally she spoke it took Bernie so long to find the words so speak again

"Serena what do I need to forgive you for you haven't done anything wrong please look at me hear what I'm saying." She hated how pathetic she sounded but she didn't really care she'd would rather sound pathetic then not be standing here at all.

As she looked down she saw a crowd had now formed below them I mean It was night but it's hardly hard to not spot two people standing on the edge of roof Is it. All she wondered though was how fletch was getting help what was he doing she knew if anyone else came on the roof then it would scare Serena So she was glad no one had burst on trying to play hero.

"I... I'm sorry for pushing you away I... I …...I" come on get hold of yourself Campbell Serena thought to herself.

"I love you berenice Wolfe." With that she took a step closer to the edge breaking free of Bernie's hold as she knew she would when she spoke these words as Bernie had to process them so her reactions were slower.

Serena was now stood dangerously close to the edge.

Buzzzz buzzz Bernies phone again rang this time she tried to reach for quickly in case the noise scared Serena as she was rummaging she felt the paper in her hand and knew just what she had to do.

Letting go of the bar she was clutching Bernie moved that one step closer to the edge now again she was stood side by side with Serena.

"Bernie no get back it's not safe please get back." Serena pleaded with Bernie she didn't want her to get hurt.

"then you step back to that feeling of pain and scared your feeling over my safety well I'm feeling that to so if you want me to step back then you do it to." Bernie needed this to work.

"I get that I'm hurting you in the process of this but I meant what I said earlier I don't have anything anymore nothing seems to make me happy so please just step back and walk away let me do this alone."

"if you have nothing if you have no one if what you said before about me then why say you love me why carry this in your pocket you look pretty happy to me here and you Serena Campbell are not alone remember this night well I remember when we talked that night and we said that we in are In this together and I still believe in that so if this really is what you feel you need to do then fine but we are in this together." With that Bernie took a hold of Serena's hand and stared down at the world. This was the thing her heart was telling her she ignored what her head was telling her. Anyway she'd faced death so many time that they were old friends.

"I had fun that night we were happy then... Bernie I...I...you cant no you cant"

"Serena I am doing so you don't have to say anything this is my choice."

"Bernie just I need to I...I...I..."

"I know Serena I know."

With that they closed there eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

silence fell upon the crowd that had now gathered below the hospital no one knowing what to say as they all witnessed this scene. Raf and ric were now among those stood watching both of them worried for their two friends. From below all you could see was two figures holding hands while stood on the edge worry was in everyone minds hoping the unthinkable wouldn't happen. All major heads of departments were on stand by just in case they were called to help the situation.

Fletch soon ran over to where Raf stood shocked when he looked up and saw how it had changed since he had been up there.

"I left them god I should of stayed and tried to help somehow look at them now what's Bernie doing she said she was going to help I thought she would be the one to get Serena down not be standing next to her ready to jump." His emotions were all over the place two of his friends were in so much danger yet he couldn't do anything to help. He wished he had stayed.

"fletch you couldn't do anything more then raise the alarm." Raf tried to reassure him

"where are they anyway the fire crew should be here someone should be here to help how is standing here going to be any use what we all hoping to catch a glimpse of the action not wanting to miss out in case something does happen."

"There's a major fire just 5 miles away most crews are busy tackling that look we all know that the only person that can help Serena is stood right next to her. We all know Bernie wouldn't let any harm come to Serena she'd never forgive herself if it did and we are here in case something happens I'm not moving as if and I mean if then it's better there's a doctor out here who can get to them rather then be inside and have to run that would mean losing precious time." Ric spoke he was trying to keep his doctor head on rather then the concerned friend.

"I cant just stand here and watch like all these people I need to do something." Fletch knew there was nothing he could do to help he need to trust that Bernie would get them down safely.

"RIGHT LISTEN UP ANYONE WHO DOES NOT NEED TO USE THE HOSPITAL OR THAT ISN'T STAFF PLEASE VACATE THE AREA WE AREN'T WAITING FOR A CELEBRITY THERE ISN'T SOME BIG SHOW WE ARE HERE TO SEE SO MOVE IT NOW." Fletch shouted the crowd that had formed started to disappear until there was just a few nurses left waiting around.

"right now you can all see what we are dealing with however we need to be prepared for the worst case scenario so I want to trolleys out here waiting full neck and spinal boards and medical bags go and get someone from the ed as well our best people are the ones who need the help. Be as quick as you can and can someone page Mr Hansen again and get him to come out here." With that the nurses ran to get what they needed. No one knew what the outcome would be but fletch was right they needed to be prepared.

"Fletch look come stand here." Raf shouted to where he was stood a mere 40 yards away.

Fletch ran to where raf stood worry running through his whole body.

"look where they are stood on the roof."

"yeah what about it there what 6 stories up." As the spoke the words he realized what raf was saying he saw the building that was directly underneath them which was at least 3-4 stories high.

"the maternity ward is right in front of them if they did fall it would only be a 1-2 story fall at the max I know that in itself can still cause serious harm but its better then 6 Bernie must of seen that if not she wouldn't be stood on the edge would she."

Hope had now become to come into fletch and the rest of their heads.

"we need to get a ladder or find away to get access to that roof we need to be there or at least have a plan if something does happen fletch can you go and find security or someone and find away to get to that roof me and raf will stay here incase anything happens." Ric spoke urgently

Fetch didn't need telling twice as he went sprinting off towards the entrance.

 **Meanwhile** **inside AAU**

Jasmine and Morven were inside the consultant office with Jason sat with them asking about 100 questions per second. Neither of them knew what was going on outside all that jasmine knew was the last time she saw Serena she was stood on the edge of the roof. She hoped that she was safe as much as these last few months had been hard she knew it was the real Serena she knew it was the grief that is why she had let it go on for so long.

"where is auntie Serena and Bernie there shift finished 15 minutes ago and all there stuff is still here why aren't they here."

"er well I..." looking to jasmine for help Morven was stuck from word she didn't know what to tell him.

"They have just been in theatre for a really long time and when they came out, and needed some air so they went for a walk as Serena hasn't been feeling well." Jasmine said trying to convince herself as she said it.

Jason sat there for a while trying to process what had just been said.

"so when are coming back as its fish and chips tonight and auntie Serena normally goes and gets them and they shut in exactly 1 hour 12 minutes."

"well Bernie did say that if they weren't back that she had some money in her bag that you could use and if you like mine and morvens shift is over I could go and get them and bring them here so we can all have some."

"but you don't know where it is and what I get what if you get it wrong." Jason started to get all worked up.

Jasmine reached over to the desk and grabbed a pen and a bit of paper. "here why don't you right down the address and what you normally order that way you can be sure that I know where I'm going and that I'm getting the right food." She said patiently hoping this would work.

Jason again thought about what had just been said before he accepted the pen and paper being offered to him and went in to great detail in explaining where the chippy was and exactly what they normally got.

"Do you think Auntie Serena and Bernie would like something or not?" He asked

"I'm sure they would like some for when they get back."

Again he set off writing when he was done he handed the paper to jasmine and the exact price it would all come to at the end he really was one of a kind.

"right I shall go and get that are you alright to wait here with Morven while I go and get it." She asked not wanting to upset him.

"yes don't worry jasmine I will be fine. Morven do you fancy playing a game of cards while we wait." He asked looking to Morven who was sat quietly in the corner.

"yes sure id love to play." Morven answered with a smile.

Jasmine was just about to leave when she realized she didn't have any money to pay for it and she didn't want to go rooting through Ms Wolfe's bag but she'd already told Jason Bernie was paying for them and she didn't want him suspecting something was wrong. Turning around she went back in the office only to get confused looks off both of them.

"I forgot to get the money that wouldn't of been a very good idea. Oh and Morven I didn't ask do you want anything I can pay for me and you."

Before Morven could answer Jason jumped in.

"I thought you said Bernie was paying why do you need to pay."

"well Ms Wolfe only said that there was money for you and Ms Campbell so I don't want to be going and spending her money on and Morven without her consent." She said before he got to suspicious.

"oh right well I guess that makes sense." With that he got back to shuffling the cards.

"I'll just have some chips I'm not really that hungry and ill give you some money but its in my locker ill pay you back later though"

"don't worry about it I'm sure I can afford some chips it will be my treat." With that she went over to Bernie side of the desk hoping she at least had some money otherwise Jason really would start to wonder. At first she tried looking in the draws incase she had put her purse in there but she had no look. Then she spotted a bag on the floor so she picked it up hoping there was some money in there.

She spotted a black purse lying at the bottom of her bag relieved that there was at least a purse she opened it but she stopped when she saw the picture that was in there it took all her willpower not to start crying not in front of Jason she thought. She quickly looked to see that there was a £20 note in there so she took it out making a mental note to make sure she put the change in. She said her goodbyes and made an exit hearing Jason Call out that she only had 50 minutes before they closed she looked down at the instructions on how to get there only to find out she knew exactly where it was she made her way to the car.

When she got outside she couldn't look up please she thought please say they weren't there anymore and that they were just talking but a safe distance away from the roof. She did the worst thing she could imagine she looked up only to see not just one person standing fairly close to edge she saw two but this time they were even closer and they were holding hands. What were they doing she thought why hadn't Bernie got them down. Before she got to worked out about she remembered the best thing she could do now was to keep Jason away from this and that meant not being too long with getting his food.

As she took one more look as she got in her car. One thing was going around

in her head please be okay please nothing happen while she was gone. With that she drove away.


	5. Chapter 5

On the roof

Silence had been all that consumed the air as these two women stood side by side with their hands entwined eyes closed neither of them knowing what the next move would be to be honest as long as they were together it didn't seem to matter. Bernie had given the control over to Serena knowing full way there was no way she was going to change her mind she had to let Serena decide what she wanted to do now.

For the first time in well a while major Bernie Wolfe was scared. Scared at what may happen next as much as she loved Serena and knew she couldn't live without her she wasn't ready to die she was certain Serena felt the same. She hoped that all this was was a cry for help one that Bernie would listen to and do nothing else but listen and help in any way she could that was why she was willing to stand so close to the edge. She knew Serena wouldn't want any harm to come to her well she hoped she didn't anyway.

Time seemed to stand still.

Without even saying anything Serena turned and wrapped her arms around Bernie and began to sob she didn't care that she was being weak and letting her emotions take over she just needed some comfort. Bernie was bit shocked at this she hadn't expected the sudden movement which nearly tipped her balance which really would have been bad especially since they were on the edge.

Wrapping her arms around Serena Bernie just held her tears escaping her own eyes as she didn't know Serena felt this bad. No words were spoken there was no need. They stayed like this holding each other comforting one and other for quite some time until Serena's sobs had started to slow down and now she was just heavy breathing Bernie knew now was the right time for words.

"Serena how about we move away from the edge we can just sit up here and talk if that's what you want." Bernie cautiously asked knowing how emotional she was.

Serena just nodded as Bernie grabbed her hand and safely led her away from the edge to just behind the bar that separated the safe bit of roof to the dangerous bit she then sat herself down leaning against some metal wall. She opened her legs so there was a gap and Serena sat in the gap and leaned back against Bernie's body. Again Bernie put her arms around Serena and there hands entwined again.

"I don't what I'd do without my BIG MACHO ARMY MEDIC god I'm so sor...sorry." Serna sobbed as she said it.

Fighting back her own tears "Hey don't you dare apologize you have not done anything wrong you hear me and I'm the one who should be apologizing as I wasn't there for you like I should have been these past few months I...if...i...wol." She couldn't continue she just needed Serena to know she was loved.

"Bernie please don't cry I...I need you to know that you have been my rock these past few months even though I did push you away you were still there waiting for me. I always knew that you had my back I always knew that if I needed comfort or laughter I could go to you it just took me some time to realize that I could no I should of talked to you about how I was feeling. It just took over and by then I didn't see that it was consuming my life and I was changing."

Bernie opened her mouth to speak but before she could Serena started talking again.

"earlier today when you said that you loved me and that I should take me anger out on you as you could take it. Well it made me realize how much I love you I d truly I should of said it to you then instead of acting like I didn't care as I do care god I love you so much Bernie. But you have to know I can't take all my anger out on you as I don't want you to be my punching bag." Serena stopped for a breath an knew exactly what she had to do no what she wanted to do.

She unhooked her hands from where they were and turned her body so she was now sitting facing Bernie instead of leaning into her. She looked at her really looked she could see the tear stained cheeks and the fresh tears that were now flowing down her face she reached her thumb and wiped the tears away.

They both locked eyes as Serena spoke again.

"this is what I should of done before after you said you loved me this is what I should of done."

She leaned into Bernies face as their lips locked there was such love and passion in this kiss it had been a long time since they had last kissed so much so it felt like the first time all over again. It was a sweet lingering kiss one that neither wanted to end. When they finally broke apart for air they again looked deep into one and others eyes with such love.

"and then I should have said I love you more than you will ever know Berenice Wolfe."

Bernie pulled Serena close again.

"Serena I didn't exactly pick the right moment when saying I loved you i get that but it still hurt when you walked away in that moment I thought we were over I thought you had fallen out of love with me. Then when no one could find you I couldn't feel my heart it was shattering. Seeing you standing on the edge I was so scared I was going to lose you. And then you trying to push me away again saying all them things about Ukraine. I thought I had lost you I thought you did not want me anymore but I couldn't just leave you stood there ready to jump. Even if you no longer loved me id rather you be alive and not love me then dead and I can no longer see you again. I can't live without you Serena I even surprised myself when I stood on the edge with you I just need to know would you of jumped if I wasn't here what was your plan when coming up here."

Serena wasn't surprised that Bernie has asked this the only thing that shocked her was when she had said she thought she had fallen out of love god she really was a crappy girlfriend no wonder all her other relationships had never worked out maybe it was her that was the problem.

She decided to answer the harder question first she address the rest later on.

"To be totally honest I don't know I only came up here for some air then before I knew it I was on the edge I just wanted the pain and the grief I have been carrying to go away. I was just about to well I thought I was going to jump but then I heard you and it made me stop and think I didn't want to leave you behind or jason but well it felt like the only way to rid myself of this pain. That's why I tried to push you away and said all those things I knew if you were here I wouldn't be able to jump. That's why I was surprised when you took my hand and stood there you reminded me that I wasn't alone but in my head the terrible thoughts over took and alls I could think was well if we both go it means then I wouldn't be leaving you behind as you had gone with me. I was so close to jumping and pulling you with me. I know how evil of me I would of killed you all for my own selfish gain.

That's why I ended up standing there for so long just holding your hand just knowing you were there made me feel better. But then I heard her Ellie I know she's gone but she whispered something in my ear and in that moment I knew I couldn't jump I couldn't leave so I opened my eyes and just looked at you and in that moment I knew you were my savior without you I probably would be on the way to the morgue right now." Serena felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulder but they were still pretty weighed down.

Bernie was shocked at this she knew Serena would need help she still felt like Serena still had some issues to address but she hoped that from now on things would look up.

"Serena thank you for telling me this I know it must be hard for you to open up just promise me that if you ever need to talk again you'll talk to me or a professional at least don't bottle it all up again as I don't fancy freezing my arse off again." She chuckled knowing someone had to lighten the mood.

"I know I will talk to you and I'll make It a beach next time don't want that sexy ass of your suffering do we now. Oh and major I could never fall out of love with you god everyday I'm still falling for you and well as for not wanting you I can assure you I still want you god I want you so much." She said as she turned and winked at Bernie closing the gap between their bodies as their lips collide and hands started to roam each others bodies both hungry for this both wanting to show the other just how much love they had.

The stood up but there lip never left the others body they needed this they did they were trying to find a hard surface one that want 2ft tall and they could stand and lean against. Serena spotted something and just started t push Bernie towards it with the intended target located she just pushed Bernie against it. Bernie stopped kissing Serena who was a bit surprised as she seemed up to a minute ago.

By the look on Bernie face something was wrong. Bernie eyes were now looking down Serena followed her gaze to see that there was now a large piece of metal now sticking out of Bernies body.

"no Bernie omg what have I done."

Serena tried desperately to stop the bleeding but her hands just became soaked she didn't know what to do panic took other.

"s...ser...sere...Serena I love you."

"no don't you dare say that your going to be fine just fine I promise now keep your eyes open please Bernie just look at me."

Bernie eye found Serena's but shut as again.

An ear piercing scream followed.


	6. Chapter 6

"no no Bernie don't do this please don't do this open your eyes please look at me OPEN YOUR EYES MAJOR THAT'S AND ORDER..."

Still nothing god no this cant be happening was all that was going round in Serena's head.

"Do you have to shout...Se...Ser...Serena." Bernie said as she tried her best to keep her eyes open although they felt like they weighed the same as a 10 ton truck.

Upon hearing these words Serena's mind took over and she just stood staring at her while her hands filled up with blood not knowing what to do everything medical just went out her head she didn't know what to do her lover was stood in front of her impaled in the chest losing blood and all's she could do was stand there watching her bleed to death. The thought of death snapped her out of her trans and she went in to action. She needed help but it would take too long to go and get some.

Think Serena think she thought to her self. The phone she could phone down for help and they could come and help she thought yes she reached into Bernie's pocket to retrieve the phone trying her best not to hurt Bernie in the process she finally had it in her grasp.

She took it out and pressed the button but nothing was happening she pressed it again and this time it did light up with a battery symbol that was flashing dead the bloody thing wouldn't stop ringing before but now when she does need it its dead. She began to panic how was she supposed to get help if she had no means of communication.

"Fl...Flet...Fletch I …. hea...rd him be...fore... dow...n" that was all that bernie could muster to say each breath hurting more then the other she hoped Serena had head fletch when he was shouting before god please say she did.

Serena took a moment to think about what Bernie had just said.

"Bernie put your hands around the wound and press as hard as you can I need to let go and you need the pressure to stop the blood ill be right back I promise just keep your eyes open okay."

Before she turned to leave she placed a soft on Bernie's lips. "now if you more of where that came from you have to keep your eyes open.

Before she knew it her feet were dragging her to the edge of the roof again. But this time she was here to help she looked down and realized just how high up they were focus Campbell come on.

"HELP FLETCH HELP WE NEED HELP." She bellowed hoping they could hear her this was the last resort she could see there was people stood there she just hoped one of them was Fletch or raf or someone that could help.

 **Meanwhile a little while earlier**

Jasmine had just got back from doing the food run and had takin his lordship his dinner and was about to start tucking into her own when she realized she had left her phone in the car and she had made fletch promise that he would call if he had any news so she would at least know what to do with Jason.

Telling Marven where she was going she made her way to the car again she tried not to look but there's something about telling your self not to look in a certain direction it just makes you want to look ten times more. As he head looked up her eyes soon followed and what she saw was made her feel hope full there was no longer anyone stood on the edge of the roof. When she got to her car and grabbed her phone she was surprised she didn't have any messages or missed calls to say they were safe.

The panic in her head risen they were okay weren't they what if fletch was too busy trying to save them to text or call what if they were in the ED right now fighting for there life all these horrid solution were running round her head. She decided to just call Fletch and see what if anything was going on. She shut the car door and pressed call on Fletch's name.

Ring …... ring... ring …... ring...

Come on Fletch answer the phone she urged

Ring... ringg

Just as she was about to put the phone down he asnwerd.

"hello jasmine Is everything alright." He asked concerned

"yeah everything fine with me do you have any news where are you." She said cutting straight to the chase.

"no I don't apart from they are no longer in danger well to be honest the are no longer on the edge I've tried ringing Bernie but no answer I think they are just talking I'm not really sure. But I'm just on my way back to AAU the Emergency threat has been lowered I'm sure they will be down soon.

"oh right that's good then oh and if you talk to Jason I told him that Bernie had taken Serena on a walk I didn't mention the whole roof thing I didn't want to get him all upset you know in case it was all fine like it is now." She started to make her way back to the hospital as there didn't seem to be anything she could do but wait now.

"don't worry jas I wont say anything ill meet you in the office." He said

As Jasmine was walking she thought he heard something but she wasn't sure.

"yeah...ill" she was cut short as she heard it again she oved the phone from her ear to listen when she did listen she heard someone shouting. Fletch looking around she couldn't see anything but where her eyes made her look next made her scared.

"jas are you there jas." Fletch was now shouting her down the phone but she was too busy looking at Serena leaning over the edge shouting for help.

She set off running not wanting to waste any time as she was running she got the phone again.

"Fletch Fletch I need you its Serena she is shouting for help I cant see Bernie I don't know what's wrong just get her get Raf get MR griffin get someone I'm going up there now."

"okay I'm coming don't worry ill get a med kit." With that he out down the phone and set off running grabbing an emergency bag as he ran he ran past some nurses. And shouted "page Mr. de luca and Mr. Griffin make sure I get a doctor on that roof now its life or death.

For the second time that day both Fletch and Jasmine were running up all 6 flights of stairs jasmine was on flight 4 where as Fletch was only just beginning.

"jasmine don't go on the roof without me we don't know what state Serena is In or what has happened be careful." He said as he ran as fast as he could desperately trying to get to the top while calling Raf over and over again. On about the 6th call the picked up all Fletch said was. "Roof now quick which he got an okay and he put the phone away and concentrated on getting to the top.

When Fletch made it to the top the roof door was open and jasmine had already made it on the roof when he got to where he stood they both stopped. Neither could see Serena or Bernie anyway.

"SERENA ,BERNIE." The both shouted

"here over here please come quick." Serena shouted the desperation evident in her voice the both wasted no time in getting to where the voice was coming from.

What they were not prepared for was the scene in which they were walking to when they tuned the corner and saw Bernie pinned to a wall by a metal object and Serena desperate trying to stop the bleeding.

"she keeps closing her eyes please tell her she wont listen to me." Serena sounded so desperate

There wasn't time to ask what had happened or how they were they needed to help as by looking at Bernie they knew she was in a bad way just by the amount of blood there was they didn't know what was going to happen.

"Bernie we really need you to stay awake can you do that for us" Fletch said he looked up and her and saw that her eyes had opened but by barely and inch he really didn't like that.

They opened the bag and poured the contends out trying to find packs to try and stem the bleeding. Fletch put his finger to Bernie's neck trying to see how weak Bernie was he needed to know what they were dealing with. As he felt what he was doing he looked at Jasmine and he didn't realize his face had dropped to which Serena saw.

"No don't look like that please she's going to be fine right fletch she's going to be fine." She was shouting crying no one knew what to say.

"MS...cam... Serena I...I...I... "

Silence fell around them


	7. Chapter 7

Time seemed to stand still as no spoke there was now more people on the roof Raf and griffin had arrived but still no one still knew how this was going to play out. Bernie had a weak pulse and was bleeding out heavily but it was under control pressure was being to applied but they couldn't do much more as they couldn't move her without risking her bleeding out completely no one knew what to do they were waiting on fire crews to come and help but most crews were tackling a fire so the ETA of them was more than an hour which they all knew they didn't have.

Serena was now a complete mess on the floor crying uncontrollable repeatedly saying sorry no one knew what to make of the whole situation as from the way Serena was acting earlier and now they didn't know what to think non of them wanted to think that Serena had done this on purpose even by looking at the two of them you could tell just how in love they were.

Finally someone spoke.

"we need to do something we cant just leave her like this she's going to bleed out at this rate we need to do something anything come on you two are some of the bet doctors in this place and your just stood around applying pressure you can do more then that."

Jasmine suddenly couldn't take it anymore yes she was a junior and didn't know much but what she did know was that something needed to be done even if she was speaking out of turn she didn't care.

"what do you think we are doing if we move her she will bleed out even more we cant move her until we have an idea of what this has struck it could of hit arteries that if the object is removed could mean she will bleed out within seconds." Ric spoke out clearly angered.

Both Raf and Fletch shared a look between each other they knew both of them were right but they knew Jasmine made a more valid point they couldn't just stand her and wait being in this job meant that they have seen death over and over and they weren't ready to see it make an appearance here.

"look Mr. Griffin we know that moving her could be fata but we also cant not do anything come on there must be something we can do I cant no I wont stand by and watch MS no Bernie die she is not only a colleague but a friend and I cant just stand by."

" Look I know this is hard she is a friend but what can we do we wouldn't have enough time from removing her from the wall to getting her to theater or even inside what can we do if you have any ideas then please raise them."

Silence again was all the plagued the air.

"I have a idea if we cant get MS Wolfe to theatre couldn't we bring the theatre to her I know its made but what if we made a makeshift theatre that way you could remove her and get her on the table straight away. Like a make shift field hospital we all know that what she would have done I mean we've all heard the stories of the different time she had to operate on someone n the side of the road where there were bombs and all sorts going on. At least up here we have nothing like its much safer here. We've been doing it wrong instead of trying to find a solution we should have been thinking what would Bernie do I mean she is the trauma specialist and this is a major trauma its go to be worth a shot."

Jasmine took a long deep breath one that she didn't realize she was holding everyone on the roof was now staring at her in awe. Everyone was still processing it when someone spoke.

"She's...ri...ght..." This is all Bernie could Crooke out before she fell into an unconscious state again. Fletch checked her pulse it was getting weaker.

" Jasmine is right it's the only option and it seems we have the majors approval so we need to at least try." Fletch spoke out still holding his hands on Bernie wound as tight as possible he was really trying to make sure no more blood came out.

"if we are going to do this we need Mr. Hansen and lights lots of lights and all the necessary theatre equipment get as many nurses and porters possible and get it up here as quick as possible." Ric spoke getting his phone out and making all the necessary calls to get it done Raf phoned Hansen and filled him in.

Hansen was the first one to arrive he had brought scrubs and hand wash and told Raf and griffin that they would need to change and scrub in he was already in his scrubs and had assured them he had organized lights and all the necessary power outlets to brought up to make sure that they couldn't just end up blowing up the hospital.

As all the talk of what the plan was going to be no one seemed to notice well almost no one only one of them saw her walk off at first she tried to ignore it but she knew she needed to do.

You see Jasmine was well within her right to just turn a blind eye and leave her to it as she hadn't been that nice to her but she had done so much to her she had mentored her even if it hadn't gone to plan but she was the only consultant to take a chance on her and for that she was grateful. She left everyone else to talk as she knew she wouldn't be needed there t was a high risk operation and she didn't really have the skill set or the medical knowledge to help.

Serena had enough she needed some time it was her fault this was happening to Bernie not only was it her fault she was on the roof she had pushed god she should of checked If it was safe I mean it was dark but for god sake they were on a roof there were danger signs everywhere. She didn't want to leave Bernie but she knew there was nothing she could do not right now anyway he was one very emotional and too had drank some shiraz just a sip really she couldn't stomach it.

"MS Campbell is... are you alright do you want to talk." She was nervous she didn't want to make her mad she just knew she needed someone right now even if it was her.

Before she even had chance to reply jasmine jumped in again.

"I'm sorry that was a stupid question of course your not alright I wont say anything more ill don't think you should be alone right now even if you don't want me here I'm still here I'm not leaving until I know that you are alright or when we know what's going on with Bernie."

With that said Serena just stared at her before the tears started to fall again this time she was shaking uncontrollably falling to the floor. A complete mess was all she could think what she looked for now. Jasmine was shocked she didn't know what to do how not to anger MS Campbell more.

She needed to stop thinking that was her problem she just needed to act which is what she did she walked over to where Serena was and hugged her letting her cry out just being the friend she needed.

They stayed like that for a while truth be told jasmine let out some of her own tears all the unspoken emotion she had been through these past few months she didn't actually realize it had been as bad as it was.

"Dr burrows...Jasmine I need to apologize haven't been myself and I guess you know that but that's no excuse for what I did it was not your fault that Ellie died I should never of blamed you in fact you would be well in your right to make a complaint I mean you should of when the incident in the corridor I'm sorry but I still think you should reconsider resigning I don't want your career to suffer for what I did stay and ill get you another mentor someone who will treat you right. "

Jasmine didn't even expect Serena to say this she was shocked.

"MS Campbell I know non of this is your fault but we are both to blame I should of spoke up when things were getting too much instead of trying to carry on. I just that I had been passed on around this hospital with no one really taking any notice of me that is until you said you would mentor me I thought it was too good to be true but I was tired of being over looked I wanted a chance to prove my self prove that I can be as good as my delightful I guess I took advantage too."

Serena was about to respond when how had she treated this girl so badly and how was she always letting her off the hook the whole situation was entirely her fault yet jasmine was still taking some of the blame.

"SERENA SERENA ITS BERNIE SHE NEEDS YOU." She didn't need to think twice she went running off back in the direction of her partner hoping that she was still at least breathing and all that was needed had bee brought up she knew that there wasn't much time to waste it had been well over an hour since it happened she knew the risks but she also knew that Bernie was a fighter and that she wouldn't give up without a fight either. well she just hoped she still had some fight in her.


	8. Chapter 8

When Serena got back to the site of devastation it was like being on the set of a movie there was lights shining everywhere there was about 10 and maybe even more people all on the roof it looked like chaos but with Henrik Hansen at least it was organized chaos. Everyone had a place and once they had done their job of either bringing up lights or helping to bring a monitor or even a operating table they were sent on their way. If it wasn't for the fact you could feel the wind and you could see the whole of Holby you would of just thought it was a normal theatre.

"Serena over here." Raf saw her and beckoned for her to come to where he stood all scrubbed in.

When she got to him she could see fletch was now stood up getting hi scrubs on while another nurse held the pressure around Bernie's body.

"Serena she's been asking for you we are just about to sedate her but we thought you might want to talk to one another first." He always was a considerate man Serena thought to herself.

"Yes thank you Raf and Fletch thank you is there any chance I can be here when you know you begin I won't get in the way I can just monitor her BP and that." She asked hoping the answer was yes she needed to be by her side so she knew she wasn't alone in all of this.

"I'm sure that would be fine ill go and find you some scrubs." With that Fletch left while raf busied himself with making sure everything was in order.

Serena got closer to Bernie who now had an iv line and blood attached to her and a oxygen mask on her face Serena at first didn't know where to stand in case she ended up pulling something out and causing pain to her. When Bernie spotted her she tried to remove the mask on her face. Serena quickly took hold of her hand so she wouldn't cause pain to herself or accidentally rip the iv out.

"Hey you don't worry about anything I'm right here I won't let anything happen to you and I can assure you everyone on this roof will do everything they can to help you." Serena said while looking deep into her eyes and rubbing her thumb over the back of Bernie's hand all the time never breaking the eye contact they could speak without words one look and they knew what the other was thinking.

Bernie tried to pull her hand out of Serena to again pull down the oxygen mask but before she could get out of Serena's tight loving grip with her free hand Serena reached up and pulled down the mask for her stroking her cheek in the process.

"Serena...thi...ssss...is'nt your...fault... I don...t blame you... " it took all her strength to talk Serena could see this so made a move to put the mask back on her face but Bernie shook her head.

"just let me put it on for a minute while you breathe then I'll take it off again I promise."

True to her word Serena put it back on let Bernie get a few breaths then when Bernie looked at her pulled it down again.

"Serena I lovee... you...ne..v...e..r... for..get that." She was talking like she was about to die which broke Serena's heart she didn't normally give up like this.

"I love you too never forget that and I am going to remind you of that fact every day for the next 50 years so stop stalking like your going to leave me as don't forget what you said we are in this together so i'm am going to stay right by your side and then when you wake up I will still be by your side." Serena didn't realize but she was tearing up

"but we both know... the chances... aren't... good …...i ju...st ….want …...t...o...make...sure ….. I ….telll...you " she was know fighting for breaths

"how...much...you …..mean...too...just...in...case." she couldn't talk anymore Serena put the ask back on her face

"and anyway soldier I order you to be by my side for many years to come plus you still owe me that drink in albies and you know I like to have free shiraz." Again they stared into each others eyes.

Well Bernie was staring at her woman's perfect lips Serene a noticed this and realized she had been staring at Bernie's. The look of desperation on her face made the decision come quite easy.

"oh alright then" was all Serena could say she wanted it as much as Bernie as she lifted the mask and placed her lips on hers the kiss was full of such emotion and love that the nurse who Serena had forgotten was the other side of Bernie tried hard to look away.

When they broke apart Serena could breath never mind Bernie. But when they locked eyes Bernie looked so radiant it was as if the kiss had awoken her in some way she just winked at Serena as the mask went back on again.

Tap...tap

The sound of someone now looming around them now became apparent.

"er excuse me sorry to interrupt but Raf told me to give you these." Jasmine was now stood nervously with a pair of scrubs in her hand.

"arr thank you jasmine."

As jasmine went to leave she was stopped by a hand on her shoulder she was surprised she turned to see Serena stood there waiting for her to turn.

"oh sorry Ms Campbell did you want something." She thought this was it another thing he had done wrong .

"jasmine please stop apologizing and call me Serena you have done nothing wrong never want to hear you say those words to me again do you hear me now go and get yourself some scrubbed in this will be the perfect trauma case to add to your portfolio. Plus I would love if you could help me watch over Bernie's BP I think 2 sets of eyes will be better than one plus I may get distracted and I don't want to put her in jeopardy. I want to best doctors looking over her so that means I need you here"

Jasmine was shocked she thought Ms. Serena hated her she thought even before when she said sorry she still thought it was to cover her own back what jasmine didn't realize was that she had tears streaming her face before she knew it Serena had taken her into a hug which she welcomed willingingly.

"I mean you know you are a wonderful doctor and one day you will be the best this hospital has to offer that Is if you stick around I mean you are definitely going to give jac a run for her money I assure you. Your mother would be so proud as I know I am I know I haven't showed it but I am you are growing into a fine woman and doctor."

Serena herself was now crying.

Bernie just stood watching it all in awe of the whole situation Serena really had come so far she thought.

"thank you Serena that means the world I would love to stay and help." They were still embracing each other when Mr Hansen came over.

"right we shall be beginning shortly why don't you two get scrubbed in while we prep Ms Wolfe the best we can and get her sedated."

"yes sure please save my girl Henrik."

"I assure you I will do everything in my power to do so Serena." With that they walked to get ready just a mere 5 steps from where Bernie was trapped a whole theatre had been set up they had lights and bypass machines quite a lot of blood lined up and a whole team of people all hoping they can save Bernie.

When everyone was ready Mr Hansen spoke

"right ladies and gentlemen we all know what we are doing here now I won't lie it won't be easy so if anyone thinks they can't handle the pressure then leave now no one will judge but we need to make sure everyone is on board. Now the plan of action is we will sedate MS Wolfe we will do a CT scan via the portable fast tracker and see what we are dealing with then if it is safe we will carefully remove her from the metal object we will then get her on a spinal board and bring her to the operating table first we will have to assess the damage and see what takes priority. If she is bleeding out heavily then the plan is to pack it and see if we can find where the bleed is coming from then myself Mr Deluca Mr griffin will work on closing both the entry and exit wound.

Now we are going to need to make sure we have suction and lots of blood ready to put back in her but just remember we need to communicate with one another. If you are getting stressed or upset please let someone know and you role can be swapped. Now as you can see there is more than the average about of surgeons and nurses here so there will be some people stood around watching they are there to help so just ask one of them and they will help you out. Remember we are all a team and this is one of our own.

Mr griffin Ms Campbell Mr Deluca Dr burrows and nurse fletcher could you please come here a moment."

The atmosphere was thick with fear and determination no one wanted Bernie to die but they all knew that was they were dealing with Is very hard they just hoped that they could save her all 6 of them were friends of Bernie and all of them had a huge role in this whole operation.

"Now as you know this is going to be complex so I want Dr burrow to monitor Bernie's vitals and report if anything changes fletch I want you to be in charge of making sure we have enough blood and other fluids going in.

Mr DeLuca you and Mr griffin will work together on the exit wound."

Before he said his next bit he paused as if he was still considering the options before shooting Serena a look.

"Now Ms Campbell I know that this has been an emotional night for you and for normal hospital protocol this wouldn't be aloud considering your relationship with Ms Wolfe however I am willing to overlook that rule as you are a very good surgeon and we could really use you now of course its your decision if you don't think you are up to it then please say now otherwise I would like it if you could assist me with working on the entry wound on her back. Plus I also don't think that there is anyone else on this roof that would try and save her like you will."

Serena took a second to consider the offer she wasn't sure if she should on the one hand she wanted to do all he could to save Bernie but on the other it was Bernie how could she not look at her and freeze with emotion what if something went wrong and she just froze unable to do anything.

Pull yourself together Campbell she's just another patient who you are going to save if you don't help there is a good chance she might not make it. Serena had made her decision.

"I would love to help now but as long as Dr burrows can help we can get a nurse to watch he vitals so jasmine can help me "

Everyone was just stood taking in and reading themselves for what's to come.

"Sure that can be arranged nurse Morris can you watch over Ms Wolfe's vitals" Hansen spoke almost immediately.

"right then let's save a life"

"now if everyone is in agreement then you heard the woman we have a life to save" with that they all went to get to their places as everything just became 10 times more nerve wracking.

"well everyone we are about to begin once she is sedated it's time to roll."

With that the operation to save Bernie's life began.

* * *

 **Thank you to everyone who has been reading this and those who have left comments it really means a lot I'm glad you are enjoying it.**


	9. Chapter 9

**a/n sorry it took a bit longer then normally to update I wanted to try and at least get all the medical stuff right I mean not gonna lie did make it up a little but I tried to research it but was a bit complicated. that's why the full operation isn't in this chapter I want to make sure that bit does make sense and is at least mostly true. anyway hope you enjoy this and thanks again for reading it and leavening comments its much appreciated.**

* * *

Before they had even started there was already a spanner in the works the atheists couldn't get the right angle to be able to sedate Bernie. No one knew what to do due to the fact that Bernie was stuck standing up they could knock her out but they couldn't intubate her as when they planned on removing her from the wall the tube would be stuck and attached to a machine that would be situated right by the wall so it would be difficult to move her and the machine at the same time.

No one knew what they were going to do they could wait to sedate Bernie but that would mean having to pull her off the wall while she was awake which could cause her a lot of pain and there was no guarantee that they would be able to sedate her quick enough.

They all knew which one hey we're going to have to do but they all knew it was the one they didn't want to use no one wanted to be the one to suggest it invade it came back to bite them on the arse.

"We all know what we have to do so let's stop standing around and do it we will have to keep her awake but use a local anaesthetic around the wound.

Yes we don't want to use this but we all need to change how we are thinking it's. Or what should we do that would be better it's what would Bernie do she's the trauma expect I bet if we went and told the situation she would agree I can go and talk to her while you lot get the CT and figure out what's been damaged and what's not"

Everyone was Surprise at how Serena had just spoke but she wasn't the partner of Bernie Wolfe now she was a doctor who was going to save her Patient an was making the decisions as the situation changed.

With that Serena walked off toward Bernie while Raf and fletch got ready for the fast scan to do Bernie's CT.

When she got over she saw Bernie's have a look on confusion wash over it.

"We've have a slight problem darling there's no way we can sedate at you as we don't have to power to hook you up and then remove you from the wall so you still say hooked up. I mean we could try it but if the tube comes unattached then if we don't reconnect you fast well you know how damaging it as not having enough oxygen going to the brain."

She went to speak again but Bernie cut in.

"Don't worry….. I understand so …..I guess….. I'm going to be …..awake and just have a….. local. That's… fine you don't need… to tell me or ask for my….. permission you know I trust you."

Bernie looked straight in to Serena's eye when she said this.

Serena could see how tired Bernie was getting she knew they needed to do this operation fast. But if they had a complication in Surgery then she don't think she could watch as Bernie went. If she was under at least she wouldn't see her eye close and the light got out as she would already be in a sleep.

"I know I just wanted to make sure you knew the plan. Now I better go we can talk later don't want to be delaying things by standing her chatting at."

"I love you Serena Campbell now come on patch me up already ."

"I'll do my best major now you just relax."

Serena couldn't bare to leave her just yet she held her hand and stayed there trying her best not to cry she knew this was going to be one tough operation. Everyone was feeling the pressure but Serena felt like the world was on her shoulders. And the way Bernie kept telling her how much she loved her it felt like she was already giving up and that broke Serena's heart this whole thing was her fault if anyone should be giving up then it should be her not Bernie not her big macho army medic she was normally the strong one. She needed her to fight she can't live without her.

Raf and fletch soon came round ready to do the scan but Serena wasn't ready to let go just yet but she knew how time wasn't on their side so she had to let go even if she didn't want to. She let go and placed a kiss on Bernie hand while she walked out of the area where the scan was taking place.

As she rounded the corner she tried to compose herself and think of this as just another operation there was nothing different she was going to do what she did best save another life. Once she had finished composing her self the CT scan had been completed and they had a better idea of what they were dealing with.

Hansen and Ric were the first ones to review the scan They already knew that they already knew that it had struck on the right side of the body which looked to be just underneath the kidney which the scan showed it also showed that it just had just nicked the top of it which didn't mean there was that much damage. But when Serena saw the look on Hansen and ric's face it felt like the ground had just swallowed her up her legs just give way.

the metal was touching the lower abdominal aorta but they didn't know if it just resting on it or if they removed it then the chance was Bernie would bleed out within seconds. They didn't know If it was just touching the artery or if it had pierced it and the only way to find out was the remove it from Bernie which would leave them with seconds if there was to be a bleed.

Nobody knew what was going to happen all's they knew was this was the only chance.


	10. Chapter 10

everything was silent as Serena sat on the stairs leading up to the roof sobbing it was going so well she was treating it like any other surgery she had distanced herself from the fact it was the love of her life who was lying on the table everything was going so well. she couldn't get Bernie precious face out of her mind every time she closed her eyes she would see her face

But then the worst happened.

 **2 hours prior**

The surgery had gotten off to a good start when they removed Bernie from the wall it was looking like the metal shard had just been resting near the aorta. So lucky for them no immediate action was required while they transported Bernie from the wall to the operating table.

Everyone seemed to calm down a bit when it looked like this wasn't as bad as the had originally imagined even Serena herself was calming down and wasn't as panicked. The operating had got off to a great start Raf and ric began fixing the exit wound carefully sewing the muscle and other tissues back together. While Hansen and Serena tried to figure out what it was that was going to take priority was it going to be the kidney or would they start by fixing the surrounding tissues.

I guess it's true you should always expect the unexpected never get to optimistic as there is always a bump in the road. Raf and ric had finished their part of the operation and were just closing up where as Serena was only half way through they had decided to go with repairing the surrounding tissues and stitching them up before repairing the kidney.

Hansen was now merely just watching as Serena carried out the operation he was never really needed he just was there in case Serena needed it.

"Dr burrows how about you come and help me while I suture up the kidney" Serena asked feeling confident enough that everything was going so well.

"yeah sure Ms Campbell" she came round and listened to what Serena said jasmine was to apply suction while Serena stitched up the kidney and repaired the tear in the top of it.

Serena had a scalpel in her hand as there was a bit of dead kidney tissues that was useless so it was best that it was just removed she had it all lined up ready to make the incision when.

*cough* *cough*

As she applied pressure to the kidney with the scalpel Bernie coughed meaning her body jolted at the exact time that Serena made the incision. The cut wasn't made in the place it was intended meaning there was blood everywhere with in a matter of seconds Serena did the worst thing possible she looked at Bernie's face meaning she saw that it was her woman her soul mate who was now bleeding a lot from an unknown place she just froze on the spot while blood was pumping out fast no one would get there fast enough the monitor started beeping.

Jasmine quickly stepped in and started to use the suction trying to find the bleed there was a lot of blood before she knew it Raf had joined her and was using his hand to try and find the bleed packs started to be applied to desperately try and stop the bleeding. find where the scalpel had teared into.

"can we have 2 units going in now." Raf shouted they needed to find the bleed but they were running out of blood he could feel the sweat run off his head.

"packs we need more packs to stem the bleeding"

"no we are losing her"

"suction more suction please."

"adrenaline and more blood."

Before long Hansen and ric had stepped in trying there best to find the bleed there was so much blood that it was hard to tell when they had thought it had stopped it started up again.

jasmine was now stood the side as she let the ore experience doctors take charge she did the worst thing she looked at Bernie's face and literally saw the colour drain from her face she could also see the worry run over her face and the look of terror jasmine couldn't just stand there and watch she needed to do something so she got closer to Bernie and grabbed her hand squeezing it reassuringly making sure Bernie knew she wasn't alone.

Everything started to go into slow motion as Serena's whole body just didn't react like it should she could hear someone shouting and people rushing around but they looked like they were going so slow. All's she could do was watch as he lover was dying in front of her the last thing she heard before she ran was the sound of a flat line. at this her legs gave way and she collapsed on a heap at the top of the stairs.


	11. Chapter 11

The whole world had seemed to stop as Serena could here the heart-breaking sound that was her lover's heart stopping. The tears wouldn't stop falling she couldn't move as she felt like she had been nailed to the floor. Shouting could be heard as her friends and colleagues were fighting so hard to keep her alive it was her fault that she was bleeding to death if she didn't flinch so much when Bernie coughed then she wouldn't of cut into the wrong place and she wouldn't of cut whatever she did she would still be alive now if it weren't for her.

Serena still had the scalpel in hand she sat there looking at it willing it to take her too she knew all the places in which she could cut and bleed within seconds but she didn't want to kill herself Bernie would never forgive her well what could Bernie do she was basically dead now anyway she had killed her. Her hand was now shaking uncontrollably as she looked at this sharp piece of metal and really thought about what was the point if her Bernie was gone she could never live with herself if she known she was the one to kill her. She moved her had so the scalpel was now mere millimetres from her wrist she just let it hoover there for what felt like hours when eventually she threw it away and again sat there and just cried.

It was only was the sobs had become quite that she heard it the silence everything on the other side of the door she now sat near was silent. Her mind flooded with images of Bernie's lifeless body lying on the cold metal slab and Hansen ric and raf all stood around her saying there goodbyes. Please she thought she has to have survived this she had too she was her big macho army medic.

As Serena was lost in thought she didn't notice that the door had opened and now Fletch stood there with a solemn look on his face. When she could feel someone looking at her she turned around and saw the look on his face. And saw the now blood soaked scrubs.

"no please she can't be please Fletch don't tell me I killed her didn't I oh god I killed her how can I live without her I love her to much to be without her oh..." She started to sob uncontrollably again.

Fletch tried to speak but she wasn't listen he got down and hugged her trying to get her to calm down.

"Serena listen, Serena listen to me" she didn't look at him she couldn't she didn't want him to say it she couldn't hear it.

"she's alive Serena she's not dead please stop crying the bleeding is under control Hansen is just closing her up I just came to tell you that she's okay there was just a minor complication we had to sedate her and put her in a medically induced coma as she started to be able to feel what we were doing. Now I'm not going to lie we did lose her for a while but it was doctor burrows that saved the day she was the one who finally located the bleed everyone had given up as we had shocked her 8 times and we couldn't find the tear but she wouldn't give up on Bernie so you should thank her." He stopped for a breath and hugged Serena tight.

"she will be going on the AAU as well we all know that's where she will get the best treatment we are just waiting on her being closed up then she will be transported down the stairs and to AAU."

"Thank you fletch thank you I'm sorry for getting so emotional I just let my brain take over and seeing you covered in blood I just thought the worst. You know I cant live without her so the thought well it drove me crazy."

"Its alright Serena I didn't mean to look so well when I saw you I guess my face dropped but listen it wasn't you fault the bleed you know if it was anyone and the patient suddenly jolted then the same thing would of happened so don't blame you self non of this is your fault." He said as he hugged her trying to reassure her that it wasn't your fault.

"it was my fault she wouldn't even be need surgery if it wasn't for me I was the one who pushed her on the wall" when she said this he gave her a quizzing look.

"I guess everyone is going to want to know what happened you see she had just well gotten me away from the edge and we were talking about things and then we kissed and well let's say got caught up in the moment and we were looking for a wall and I didn't check if it was save I just pushed her on it and then before I knew it there was a metal pole sticking out of her so it is my fault."

Fletched looked stunned before he turned and smiled.

"so all this just so you two could have a quicke on the roof you should of just gone to the on call room" when he said this they both laughed.

"but seriously its not your fault and I'm pretty sure Bernie doesn't blame you either how about we got back out there and see what's going on." Serena nodded and he stood up pulling Serena with him she grabbed his hand as they walked through the door he gave her a reassuring squeeze as they were soon out on the cold roof and everyone turned to look at them. 

Serena saw her Bernie lying on the table looking peaceful like she was sleeping she walked over and stoked her head and gave her kiss on the forehead "I'm so sorry darling ill never leave you again I love you with all my heart."


	12. Chapter 12

Serena was sat clutching onto Bernie hand as they were now in the side room on AAU the Only noise that filled the room was the beep of the monitor. Serena was drawing soft circles with her thumb in Bernie's hand. She wanted to kiss her to let her know she was here but the ventilator was hooked up to her making sure she was still breathing while she was in the coma.

Everyone who helped do the operation was either bringing everything back down or had been told to go home and get some rest. The time was now 3:00am. Hansen had tried to get Serena to leave but she was having non of it she wasn't going to leave Bernie on her own and was staying by her side still she was awake.

The whole of the last 12 hours really had been eventful Serena couldn't believe what she had done she had caused harm to the most amazing person and the most important person in her life she would never forgive her self if Bernie doesn't make a full recovery even though she knows Bernie Doesn't blame her it was new fault they were on the roof in the first place.

Tears started the stream down her face as all the past events started to circulate around her head. She reached into her pocket to try and find a tissue she really didn't want to have to get up and let go of Bernie's hold. As she was rummaging she felt something with sharp edges brush past her hand she pulled it out to find her bear break.

It was the picture she had put in her coat earlier it was her way of saying sorry to Bernie for not being the woman in this picture anymore. She renewed the night well they were so happy that night that was the last time she had felt that happy. She would give anything to feel that way again.

Seeing this picture gave her an idea she remembered that Jason had been carrying around his camera for some time she hopes he has had for longer than she can remember. She knew he started to use it more after Alan had given him a new camera that night but he had a smaller less cool one before that which he would take the odd picture on. She just hoped it would have exactly what she was looking for.

A plan started to form in her head when she suddenly felt panic rise trough her body. Where was Jason he would have been waiting for her when her shift had finished and that was some time ago where had he gone oh he has his routine he wouldn't like the distraction of that.

She kissed Bernie's hand and told her she'd be back soon and then She jumped up and went to her office hoping her phone was there or some sort of message had been left for her on her way she ran into someone.

"Oh ms Campbell I'm sorry I should have been more Careful." Jasmine sheepishly said

"Jasmine what have I said please call me Serena and stop apologizing anyway I was the one who didn't look where I was going. I just need to get to my office and see if I can find out where Jason got to ."

"Sor…. I mean I guess he will take some guessing used to and I should have been looking to oh and don't worry Morven took him home after he had his fish and ships he was getting a bit stressed. We didn't want him getting upset so we said you and Bernie had gone for a walk and then after Bernie took you home to try and cheer you up. He was totally understanding that you needed some time together. Oh that reminds me I'm some money out of ms Wolfe's bag as he wanted his food and I told him Bernie had left money for his food I'll pay he back it's just I don't want to upset him and they seemed like the easy option."

Jasmine finally stopped for a breath.

"Okay so Jason's all right and has been dealt with well that's one thing off my mind. And as for the lonely don't worry I'm sure Bernie would understand we both know how he likes to stick with his schedules."

Serena paused as she got the right words in her head to say.

"I need to thank you you saved my Bernie I hear without you I would probably be standing in the morgue saying goodbye. I don't think I'll ever be able to repay you for all that I've put you through and for saving the my worlds life so pleases if there Is anything you ever need don't think to ask. You did something that takes a lot of courage to stand up to all them surgeons and tell them no and that you have to keep going is something. I'm sure that you will make an incredible doctor and it will be a Privileged to work alongside you and watch you grow into not only a great surgeon but and even better friend."

Jasmine was shocked she didn't think she'd done anything that deserved a thank you she was just doing her job in the moment when everyone had given up she did think about how Serena wouldn't be able to cope without Bernie but she was more focused on the fact that she wasn't going to let this patient on the table die she didn't believed that they should stop

"really I didn't do anything special I was just so focused on making sure the patient survived I don't deserve any kind of thank you I wasn't the one who actually carried out the full procedure I just made everyone remember that we were going to save her I guess I did rind the tear but then Hansen and ric stepped in to repair it I didn't do anything really."

"no you did more than enough you didn't give up and that to me means a lot without you that tare wouldn't of been round and they all would of agreed it was a lost cause let's just agree to disagree on that issue anyway how come you haven't gone home you should take tomorrow enough you've done more than enough for one day and it's way passed your shift time. Go home rest get drunk do what young people do."

"yeah that seems like a good idea and well I wanted to make sure I was here incase there was anything I can do plus I'm kind of living in the on call room right now me and Morven had a bit of a row and now we decided we needed some space. Is there anything I can do for you while I'm here I think there's some food in your office I mean it will be well stone cold by now but I could heat it up if you want while you sit with Ms wolfe."

Serena was a bit taken back to hear that jasmine had been living in the hospital she knew what she needed to do to before she had even fully thought about she was walking to her office and signalling for jasmine to follow.

When they got there Serena got her keys out of her bag.

"there is something actually I am planning on staying here tonight and you should really get some sleep so there is something you can help me with actually."

She handed the keys to jasmine who looked at her in confusion.

"you see I need some fresh clothes from home and I don't want to leave plus Jason will want bringing in for his shift tomorrow so you take my keys and go and stay at my house tonight you can sleep in the guest room which is the 2nd one on the left when you get up the stairs help yourself to whatever but Jason will be a bit shocked in the morning so if you explain that let you stay. But don't tell him about what happened ill tell him when he comes in here. you can take my well Bernie's car to get there"

Serena grabbed some paper and started to write out a message she then got another piece and write on that. She also handed them both the her.

"give the note to Jason in the morning that should ease his confusion and the other is a list of his schedule if you need to use the bathroom while he s there the just use the ensuite in my room."

She looked at jasmine who seemed to be processing everything.

"I can't go and sleep at your house that would be asking to much I can sleep here then just go and get Jason in the morning then he wouldn't be as surprised."

"no no it makes more sense plus by the time you have fallen asleep here you will be getting up to go and get him plus he won't be that shocked he's used to waking up and Bernie suddenly being there just tell him that I need to talk to him and I will treat him to pulse's in the morning just text me when your leaving so I can be waiting for him I know what he's like when you keep him waiting. Honestly jasmine now get going that's an order."

"okay ill go but if you need anything then text or call I care about you Serena and Bernie your like the mothers here on AAU goodnight."

"goodnight jasmine now go"

With that Serena watched as jasmine left the office and she was left on her own still holding on to the picture of her and Bernie which she pinned to her Computer smiling as she thought about that night. After she checked her phone she got up to go back to Bernie she felt bad for leaving her for so long she grabbed her phone and put it in her pocket.

When she got back to Bernie's room she looked in just hoping that maybe she would be sat there waiting for her she knew it was stupid she was in a medically induced coma so it was slim chance that she had just woken up herself. He closed the door and drew the blinds and pulled the chair as close as possible without crushing her legs. She grabbed Bernie's hand and kissed it before resuming her earlier position of stroking her thumb back and forth over her hand.

"I love you so much don't you ever forget that you are the person who saved my life without you I wouldn't of been able to get through these last months god without you I would of jumped your always the one saving me. Let me save you let me be the one to look after you for once major just rest now darling everything is going to be alright."


	13. Chapter 13

Serena didn't want to go to sleep she was scared of something happening and she wouldn't be able to react fast enough. She didn't feel tired in fact she didn't even feel like she had been up for around 23 hours it was probably the adrenaline still in her system from the day's events. Instead of sleeping she got out the note pad and pen she had brought from her office and started to compose a letter to Bernie she wanted to no she needed to do this as she would never be able to do this face to face.

30 minutes and a few tear's later Serena had written out the well most emotional thing she has ever written down. She felt a few ton lighter after pouring her heart out she folded the piece of paper and written Bernie's name on it and out on the bedside table giving a mental note to make sure she read it when Serena wasn't there she didn't think she would be able to be there when she read exactly how she had felt for these past few months.

Serena couldn't help but feel happy even in the circumstances she finally felt at peace the dark cloud that had been held over her for so long finally felt like it was moving away even if It was slow progress it was still progress after all. She knew she needed to seek professional help as well she also knew she needed to start opening up and letting Berne in she never wanted to be stood on the roof ever again unless it was nowhere near the edge she just hoped that the letter was a start of her and Bernie being more open and honest about how they feel.

As the weight had been lifted she finally felt lighter she actually started to feel pretty tired she tried to force her eyes to stay open but eventually she couldn't fight it anymore she rested her head on top of the bed next to the hand she was still clutching and drifted off into the land of dreams.

 **Meanwhile across** **town**

Jasmine had just arrived at Serena house and felt a little awkward although she knew she was doing her a favor it just felt weird. She was just sat outside staring at the house like she had been for the past 10 minutes. Finally coming to terms that she couldn't wait out here for the rest of the time that she had to sleep she got out the car and made her way over to the front door.

Fiddling with the keys she couldn't find the right one and she didn't want to risk being to loud trying the find the right one in case she woke Jason and she knew that it wouldn't be the right time to explain why she was at the house now. She eventually found the right key and let herself in she wasn't surprised what how elegant the house was I mean she was thinking about the Serena Campbell she always looked so refined and she was a consultant they weren't short on money not that she thought as Serena as some rich snobby woman quite the opposite actually.

Walking further into the house she noticed a bowl that already had a set of keys in it so she put Serena's in and something caught her eye and made her smile. It was a picture frame of Bernie and Serena and Jason they all looked so happy together like one happy family they all fit together so well. Any time you saw them all interacting together at the hospital you could see how much Bernie cared for Jason and how much they all cared for each other it was nice to see that even if you are a bit older you can still find true love and happiness.

Jasmine suddenly felt really tired but she felt weird to be sleeping in Serena's house she went upstairs and went to the room that Serena said careful opening it slowly just incase she did get the wrong room somehow when she knew it was the right one she walked in and put her bag down. She opened the wardrobe in hope to find something to wear to bed she was quite surprised when she found a t-shirt and shorts in there. Even though it was a guest room she didn't expect Serena to be as accommodating to her guest.

She got changed and got inside the bed that was pretty big compared to where she had been sleeping lately she loved the fact that she actually had room to move and could stretch out she hadn't been in the bed long before she had drifted off to sleep.

 **A few hours later**

*buzz* *buzz* *buzz*

Jasmine awoke to find herself a little bit confused at where she was once she sat up and looked around and let her brain kick in she remembered she was at Serena's she groaned when she grabbed her phone to see the time read 8:00am this meant she got about 4 hours sleep last night. Well some was better than nothing she thought to herself.

After sitting in bed for 5 more minutes she decided it was time t get up she did have to get ready and alert Jason to her presence in the house she went to go use the bathroom but looked at her note from Serena which alerted her that Jason would be in there. As she left the guest room to make her way to Serena's room to use the ensuite she could hear Jason singing as he was in the shower he laughed at this as she couldn't think to a time she had ever heard Jason sing.

Once inside the room she again felt the feeling that she shouldn't be in there she felt like it was wrong to be in Serena's room even though she was invited and in a away she was just picking up some clothes for Serena. She decided that she would have a wash and freshen up then shed pack some things for Serena.

A few minutes later jasmine had freshened up and had a wash and was now searching for some sort of bag to put Serena's stuff in she didn't really know where to look and she didn't want to be seen as snopping but shed looked under the bed. She didn't want to look in any other cupboards she felt like she was being rude. After debating with herself for what felt like some time she just went towards the wardrobe and opened it and sitting on the floor was a overnight bag she took it out and now came the even weirder task she had to rummaged through Serena's things to try and find clothes for Serena this was going to be strange.

Jasmine had packed a few blouses and pants for Serena and had found some casual clothes that she could wear at night when she wanted to be comfortable she had also packed the essentials like underwear and toiletries (that was a strange thing to rummage through). She also packed a blanket. When she pulled open the door on the far hand side of the wardrobe she saw some clothes that didn't look like Serena's normal style she realized that these must be Bernie's as well from what she had heard through the hospital they pretty much lived together so it would make sense for Bernie to leave some of her stuff there. She decided to pack some of Bernie's things so Serena didn't have to worry about coming back and getting some.

She looked at her phone again and seen that it was now 8:30 am looking at the schedule in her pocket she seen that Jason would now be sitting down stairs watching the TV. So now was a good time to make him aware that she was there she grabbed her handbag and the overnight bag she had packed and wa just heading out when something on the bedside table caught her eye when taking a better look she saw it was a picture of Serena and Bernie looking so happy together she grabbed that and put it in the bag so the hospital would feel more homely. With that she made her way down stairs.

When she got to the bottom of the stairs she dropped the bags and left them there making her way into the living room.

"Jason are you in here." She called out

"yes I'm in here Auntie Sere..." He stopped when he saw Jasmine enter the room

"oh hello Jasmine what are you doing here where's Auntie Serena." He looked a little confused but didn't look like he was too stressed.

"good morning Jason Serena let me stay here last night as I had nowhere else to go she left me this note to give to you and said she would explain everything over breakfast at pulses." She said as she held out the note

He looked at her and looked as though he was thinking before reaching out and grabbing the note she held out to him.

"oh I see I heard how you and Morven had a falling out." He looked away from her and studied the note.

It read

Jason sorry if there was any confusion or if jasmine staying over last night caused any stress you see she needed somewhere to stay so I said she could stay with us oh ad also said she could borrow Bernie's car before you start to ask her. I would like to have breakfast with you and explain why I wasn't home last night. I also wondered if you still had that old camera of yours as I would like to look through the pictures you used to take oh and the ones on your new camera if you don't mind could you bring them with you.

Love

Auntie Serena.

Once Jason had finished reading the note he got up an went stairs where he got his two cameras and his laptop an put them all in his laptop bag he then got his shoes on and coat on and went back down stairs where jasmine was still stood.

"if we leave now then we will have enough time for me to meet Auntie Serena before my shift starts." With that he went outside and waited by Bernie's car.

Jasmine grabbed Serena's keys and the bags and followed him making sure she locked the door behind her before loading the bags in the car and sending a quick text to Serena

*on way to the hospital Jason wanted to make sure he had enough time before his shift to talk*

After hitting send she put her phone away and started the drive back to the hospital.

 **Back at holby**

Serena woke to the sound of her phone vibrating in her pocket she got it out and saw she had a message from Jasmine. After reading it she realized she had about 20 mins before they got here. When she sat up fully she felt her whole body crack and feel sore she had been sleeping in a pretty uncomfortable place but it didn't matter as long as she was there for Bernie then it didn't matter. She was still holding on to Bernie's hand when she decided to check her obs and see if there was any improvement from the night before.

After doing her examination she was a little disappointed everything was good for how critical Bernie was she just wished that it was better as she wanted to see her beautiful eyes and here her amazing voice.

She didn't know how she was going to explain this to Jason he would be incredibly upset her really did care for Bernie they had gotten so close lately. As much as she knew she needed to tell him she didn't want to leave Bernie she knew that if there was any change then someone would page her but she didn't like the fact of not being by her side incase she woke up of if she went into cardiac arrest.

She was lost in thought when she got another vibration to let her know she had a text.

*just pulled in now should be there soon*

Knowing she had to go she pulled Bernie's hand close and kissed it now wanting to leave. She also moved her fringe out of her face and kissed her forehead.

"I won't be long I promise just hang on in there Il be back as soon as I can I love you my big macho army medic now rest." With that she left having one more glance back while trying to clear her head as she knew the next conversation she had wasn't going to be as straight forward.


	14. Chapter 14

**a/n sorry for the long wait for the chapter I will try to upload more regular and not have long waits between chapters hope you are enjoying it**

* * *

Serena had just got to pulses and sat down when Jason and jasmine were walking through the hospital doors in what looked like a deep conversation Serena waited until they had spotted her before getting up and going over to them.

"hello auntie Serena I got your note all the things you asked for are inside the bag jasmine is carrying can I I have a orange juice and a pain au chocolat please."

"yes sure how about you go and sit down and I will bring it over to you." She said patting him on the arm before turning to look at Jasmine.

"here you go I packed some things for you and Bernie I can leave it in your office or Bernie's room or you can have it now if you like." Jasmine asked

"can you go and put it in Bernie's room then you should go home and get some rest you deserve the day off." Serena said

"if its alright with you ms I mean Serena I might go and sit with ms Wolfe while you're here with Jason you know so she has someone with her and i don't have a home anymore not until I can work enough to be able to afford somewhere or at least a hotel." Jasmine said realizing she had just over shared.

Serena was about to say something when she stopped herself and thought for a second she could stand here and argue that jasmine should go home and rest but as she had just said she has no where at least she could rest while with Bernie.

"yeah that would be great hated having to leave her alone but make sure you get some rest while your there as well I don't want you to get ill especially after the long day yesterday. I don't think I will be to long here so I'll see you later."

With that jasmine walked off towards AAU as Serena got in the queue aware that Jason would be getting impatient once she had placed her order and got the breakfast a orange juice and pain au chocolat for jason and a strong coffee for herself she made her way to Jason who was sitting looking in deep thought.

"right here we are then just what you ordered." When Jason didn't respond or even look at her Serena became very concerned she waited a few moments but still nothing

"Jason is everything alright."

After saying this Jason looked up slowly with worry in his face.

"What's going on first you want to have breakfast with me which is unusual as recently you have been to busy and second you are wearing the same clothes as yesterday and you had a worried look on your face when we came in then there's the fact that jasmine was at our house last night and you weren't everyone said you was with Bernie but where is Bernie she normally has breakfast with also you only ordered a coffee and no food when you said we were having Breakfast but your not eating anything. You also have tear stained cheeks so no I'm not alright what it going on everything is getting so frustrating."

Serena was a bit taken back she could see how worked up Jason was getting and he was right to all the things he had pointed out where right she knew she had to tell him now otherwise he might get more agitated.

" I am sorry for how I have been lately I haven't been myself and I shouldn't have neglected you also I did tell you in y not that Jasmine had nowhere else to go but I understand that I would have been a shock and I was with Bernie last night."

Serena stopped for a minute to make sure Jason had time to digest what she had just said she also knew he wasn't going to take the next bit so calmly as he really did adore Bernie.

"now the reason Bernie isn't here is because she was involved in an accident last night and needed emergency surgery which went well but she is still in a critical way."

"is she going to die how did it happen can I see her?" All these questions came out at once Serena didn't know which to answer first.

"well me and Bernie were on the roof and she had an accident and fell against a wall which had a metal pole sticking out so she impaled herself. And we are doing everything we can to make sure she survives but can't say for certain yet but she is improving. And yes we can go and see her right now if you like."

Without saying another word Jason stood out and was walking pretty fast towards AAU Serena had to almost sprint to keep up with him she had just caugt up as they were walking onto AAU.

"where is she I can't see her auntie Serena." He was getting rather anxious.

"she is in the side room look ill show you but you should take some deep breaths."

He didn't listen he just went towards Bernie he didn't knock or wait he just barged in and was shocked at what he saw.

He didn't expect there to be so many tubes his whole body tensed up which Serena saw and knew she needed to say something.

"now don't worry about all the tubes and things they are just precaution while she is in the coma you can sti with her for a while or you can talk to her and then I can take you home."

"I can't stay I have my shift soon but can she hear me."

"well I'm sure the hospital would understand if you wanted time off and well yes I'm sure she can hear us"

Jason got closer to Bernie until he was standing right next to her.

"please wake up soon Bernie Auntie Serena needs you she has frown line again like when you went to Ukraine she is always happier when around you so get well soon."

He turned to look at Serena who looked like she hadn't just been listening and willed herself not to cry.

"right I start my shift in 5 mins I better get ready see you later auntie Serena."

"okay have a nice day" Serena stood and watched Jason walk out of AAU he was right she was always happier with Bernie she just hoped she could find what she was looking for on his camera's.


	15. Chapter 15

*beep* *beep* *beep*

"charge to 200"

"no right start chest compressions"

"pulse check no she is still in vf shock again right clear"

"no still nothing are we all in agreement she's been astastolic for at least 30 mins now are we calling it."

"time of death 16:37"

"right I will go and let her know everyone one but we did all we could I know this is hard but we did her proud" Raf said feeling like the world had stopped he knew that he was about to ruin someone else's world he just wished there was something he could of done better

"I'm sorry we did everything we could but I'm afraid she is gone."

Serena's whole world came crashing down around her she felt like she was drowning. Just as she could feel the breath escaping her lungs she woke up and instantly looked at the women lying in the bed next to her she went over and check the monitor ad even her pulse just to be sure.

It was just a dream she told her self Bernie is alive and right next to her she had to touch her to make sure this wasn't the dream her heart was beating so fast and she could feel the sweat dripping off her.

She looked at the surround space and saw Jason's laptop open on the bed and the first camera plugged in she must of fell asleep while looking through his photos he really did have a knack for capturing the happy and most amazing moments she had already found around 20 maybe more pictures that she was going to use and she still had his never camera to go though although she felt like there would be less on there considering what the last few months had been like but then again there were some happy times.

Looking at the clock Serena realized that she had been asleep for about and hour she caught her reflection in the corner of her eye and realized she looked at state I mean she hadn't washed for more than a day and she still had yesterday's blood stained clothes on she knew she needed to change. She found the bag that jasmine had packed and had a look through for something to wear.

When she did open it and have a better look she saw a picture frame on closer inspection she knew it was the one from her bedside table. A tear escaped her eye as she remembered when this was taken

"I thought it would be nice for when she woke up to see it." Jasmine said now appearing in the doorway.

"this was a present from Bernie for my birthday I loved this day thank you jasmine it means a lot everything you have done these past few hours. Where did you get to anyway." She said this as she propped the photo on the bedside table and put her letter leaning against it.

"I thought it was a special time and well I went to go and talk to Morven I made sure that there was someone here incase anything happened ."

"don't worry I know Bernie is in safe hands if your not doing anything now the will you sit here while I go and freshen up I feel a little gross I shouldn't be more then half an hour but if you have to leave then don't stay here on my account."

"yeah I was hoping to come and sit I haven't got anywhere else to be but can get out of your way when you come back if you want some alone time I don't want to intrude."

"don't worry you can stay as long as you want not I better go I can't leave this any longer."

With that Serena picked up her bag and left jasmine sitting with Bernie jasmine was hoping with some alone time with Bernie as she had something to say but she needed to say it when no one was around se was interrupted before when Morven came to check her obs then she knew she needed to make amends with her. But now it was time to say something with Bernie she just hoped Bernie could hear her.

"Hey Ms Wolfe I'm not sure if you can hear me but I wanted to say thank you for the support I mean I should of listened to you when you said about Serena looking for a daughter figure maybe if I had non of this would of happened. We all need you well Serena more than anyone to wake up she really needs you we all can see how much love you both share and I'm certain that your love will be enough to bring her out of this dark place plus I don't think she could cope without you so please fight all of AAU needs or major and more importantly our friend."

After she had finished she didn't realize that tear were pouring down her face she really admired Bernie and wanted to be just like her when she was older she was such a good friend and surgeon.

Meanwhile Serena had just got to the on call room and was locking the door behind her when she heard running and heard the dreaded words. "can we get the crash team" without thinking she quickly tried to fiddle with the door to unlock it once she had she went running down the corridor onto AAU when she saw it was for the person in bed 3 not Bernie she cursed herself for being so stupid and running all the way back making sure no one had seen her she walked back to the on call room and got in the shower letting all the emotions and stress catch up with her.

Serena was lost in thought after being in the shower for more than 20 minute she really didn't mean to be in there for that long. She knew she said she would only be half and hour at tops so she should hurry up before jasmine wondered what was taking so long. She listened out and could hear someone banging on the door but she couldn't make out what they were saying grabbing her towel and leaving the cubicle she wrapped herself up as quickly as possible and went to go into the room with the beds which was closer to the door her heart stopped as she finally heard what was being said.

It was the ever so familiar voice of one DR jasmine burrows,

"Serena ….. Serena …... its Bernie …... Serena can you hear me you need to come out now it's Bernie... Serena"

Serena froze as she heard the desperation in jasmine's voice.


	16. Chapter 16

Have you ever had an inner body experience where you can see yourself stood there but you can't move or anything everything just stops well this is what Serena was experiencing right now. She could just see her self stood there was she heard the pounding on the door but she wasn't moving she knew what was going to be the outcome (at least she thought she did).

"Serena please open up." Jasmine was still pleading

Eventually the door opened and there stood Serena dressed but her hair still wet.

"oh thank god its Bernie she opened her eyes but then her heart rate dropped and the monitor started beeping I page Mr griffin and Hansen and they came down straight away and were helping Raf I don't know what's going on now as soon as I knew she was in good hands I came to get you we need to hurry."

When jasmine seen Serena wasn't moving or saying anything she knew she was in shock

"Serena I know this is hard but we need to go now you need to be there come on." Jasmine grabbed Serena's arm and dragged her to Bernie's room when they got there they heard the words.

"charge to 200 right clear."

"no still no output start compressions."

"right pulse check ….. still no pulse shock again to 250."

Serena's whole body was shaking as she relived the dream she had only hours before hand she pleaded with every god out there to let Bernie be okay she needed her she could not live without her.

"pulse check."

"she back right well done we need to go to CT to see what the problem is make sure theatre is free in case we have to rush in right let's go."

Before she knew it Bernie was being rushed passsed her and taken away Serena had to run to catch up and clasped Bernie's hand reassuring her that everything was going to be okay and she just needed to hold on.

When passing a clock on the way to CT Serena noticed the time was 16:37 just like in her dream but this time Bernie was alive she thanked whoever had done that but she couldn't help but think that maybe Ellie played a part in saving her.

When looking at the CT results Raf was taken back when they saw them there was nothing wrong with them at all everything was fine there were no bleeds and all her vitals were normal. They needed to talk to jasmine to know exactly what happened.

Once Bernie was returned to her room with Serena right by her side Raf went in search for jasmine. After about 20 minute he found her in the staff room.

"jasmine can I have a word."

"yeah sure what's going on is Bernie okay."

"that's what I wanted to think about the CT results show that everything is fine there should be no reason in why she arrested what exactly happened when she woke."

"really that weird it was as if she had a bleed. Well I was just sat there when she opened her eyes she first looked over at me and then she looked to the other side and I think she saw the picture of her and Serena and then her eyes widened and her heart rate went up before suddenly dropping and then she crashed."

"so she looked around first before arresting, where was Serena when this was happening."

"oh she went to freshen up so I waited wait I just thought there was a not on the table for Bernie maybe that's what she saw and then when she didn't see Serena she panicked thinking something had happened and that could be what caused her to arrest."

"you know what that's not a bad assumption I better get back to the ward but thanks jasmine."

"no problem see you later."

Serena had been informed about what the CT showed and what they think caused it and she had to laugh only Bernie could stop her heart but worrying. Serena knew she couldn't leave incase that Bernie thought she was gone she couldn't go through watching her be shoocked again it was to painfull for those few second she thought she had lost her she so thought she was gone.

"Oh Bernie I'm sorry for making you worry but believe me I had to wash it had started to smell like someone had died but I promise I wont leave you unless absolutely necessary just please wake up soon I really miss those eyes of yours and I really want to feel those soft perfect lips of yours. But don't wake up until you are ready I don't want a repeat of today you here me major that's an order. I love you so much that I hate to see you like this Bern I really don't think I can thank you enough for everything."

"i Love you Serena." These 3 words had never sounded better stunned Serena looked up just as Bernie's eyes were closing again. As much as she wanted to talk to her she knew she needed the rest so decided to leave her to it and look for more photos on Jason's cameras.

About 10 minute in Serena comes a across a picture of Bernie looking off into the distance and smiling looking so happy the only other thing you can see is the shoe of whoever she is looking at Serena remember this night well.

 _ **A**_ _**few months ago**_

 _It had been a stressful day in the hospital and Serena had done her best to avoid Bernie she felt to guilty for not speaking to her and not spending as much time with her but ever since ellie had gone she just wanted to be alone well she still had Jason_ _but well they were hardly spending time together._

 _Serena was in the locker room just getting her things together for another night of shiraz and garbage TV she was just about to leave when she saw Bernie walking past talking to Fletch_ _as to not be spotted Serena_ _ducked behind the door and overhead them talking._

 _"come on let me buy_ _you a drink we will have a laugh just like old times come on please." Fletch was trying to_ _convince_ _Bernie_

 _"I'm_ _sorry fletch I already have plans." Bernie said trying to sound convincing enough_

 _"oh I see have you and Serena already got plans is she waiting for."_

 _"well... no we haven't_ _truth be told I haven't_ _seen her as much I mean I call and text but it is always just a quick_ _chat or a blunt reply I know she needs space but I want her to know I am her_ _for her."_

 _Bernie didn't mean to share this much she had just been bottling_ _everything up for some time now._

 _"look I know you are probably_ _just going to go home to an empty flat well I am not going to let that happen so I order you to come to albies major and_ _as for Serena I think she just needs time she it hurting and I have known her for a while now and I know she doesn't mean to be pushing you away I know how much she loves you so don't give up on her just yet."_

 _"I don't think I will ever give up on her I love her way to much for that I just miss her you know. I guess you have convinced me I just get changed then I'll_ _be there in about 5-10 mins thank you fletch you are a good man and even better_ _friend."_

 _Serena had a tear in her eye as she was processing what she just_ _heard she really loved Bernie but she didn't want to hurt her by getting her involved_ _in the deep black whole she had created. Hearing Bernie more or less declare her love really made her think that she too missed Bernie and really wanted to see her._

 _Serena knew she needed to make sure Bernie knew how much she loved her. Leaving the locker_ _room Serena_ _made sure no one saw her as she made her way to the office she saw a figure standing inside and knew it was Bernie instead of going the opposite direction which she had been doing all day she stormed right and shut the door rather loudly behind her which causes Bernie to jump and turn around startled._

 _"oh god Serena you scare..."_

 _Before Bernie could finish Serena just leant forward and grabbed her head pulling their_ _lips together for a long and passionate loving kiss it was the first one for months there was so much love in this that neither wanted to let go in fear it was the last kiss they ever shared._

 _As_ _the were running out of oxygen the reluctantly_ _pulled apart and started deep into each other_ _souls._

 _"Bernie I love you so much I have missed you so much I just haven't_ _figure_ _out how to well I don't know what to do in this_ _situation."_

 _"I know I just figured you needed_ _space but I have missed you so much too I can't_ _live without you it's_ _unbearable."_

 _"how about we go back to mine how does takeout and shiraz sound."_

 _"sounds like heaven let's_ _go."_

 _As Serena_ _went to her desk to get_ _her_ _stuff out of the corner of her eye she saw a flash and saw Jason_ _with his camera taking a piutre of Bernie who looked to happy in this moment it made Serena_ _want to cry._

 **Present time**

Sitting there looking at Bernie made Serena feel guilty for how much time she had wasted pushing Bernie away by wanting to be alone all the time but this is what it caused for Bernie to get hurt she wished she had just kept her closer as then maybe none of this would have happened.

Serena's eyes began to feel very heavy she hadn't really had that much sleep she closed down the laptop and put it on the side before holding onto Bernie's hand and kissing her on the forehead before drifting off with the last thing she thought about being Bernie's happy face.


	17. Chapter 17

**_A/N sorry for the long delay I started my GCSE'S this week and everything got on top so I had to take a break from writing I hope it was worth the wait I will try and upload more regular just depends on time anyway hope you enjoy and thank you again for all the nice comments.x_**

* * *

 _Running_ _Bernie was running as fast as she could to reach the top her heart feeling as though it was physically_ _breaking with each second she was holding on to the hope that she wasn't there it was a mistake her Serena wouldn't do something like this well if this even was the reason she was up there but considering the past few months someone should of saw this coming she was kicking herself_ _that she hadn't_ _recognized_ _the signs_ _earlier._

 _As the she reached the top she sprinted to the door with all the energy she had left running at the door at full force making it seem effortless_ _to kick it down and get on the other side._

 _She was too late just as she pushed the door open she watched as the figure of a woman went from standing_ _to no longer being seen._

 _"Sereneaaaaaaaa" she shouted running to the edge only to see her body hit the hard concrete and crumble like a broken biscuit._

 _"nooooooooooooo"_

Serena bolted upright as she heard screaming looking up she saw Bernies body joting and her heart rate was up sweat was pouring from her whole body and she was shaking as she got up to try and wake her she heard Bernie make another sound.

"Serenaaaa."

"Serena"

"Serena"

She just kept saying her name over and over Serena at first didn't know what to do but after another blood curdling Scream was heard she shot into action holding Bernie still so she didn't rip her stitches and stroking her heard talking to her.

"Bernie wake up it's just a dream wake up darling"

"Bernie everything is going to be alright just wake up."

After a couple more tries the shaking stopped and her heart rate dropped and she slowly woke up and first instinct was to remove the mask from her face but she couldn't move as Serena still had ahold of her arms. Upon relaxing what Bernie wanted Serena moved her hands and moved the oxygen mask off her face so she could speak.

"your alive oh my

I thought you jumped oh it felt so real." Bernie said as tears fell down her face

"me alive I'm so glad your awake I thought I was going to lose you for a while Bern all of this is my fault I so sorry god you could of died Bernie."

Now both women were crying holding hands the both had so much love for the other that seening there love in pain broke their hearts.

"Serena look at me...this was an accident it wasn't your fault so stop blaming yourself as that its going to do any good so let this be the last time I hear you say it was your fault now come and sit with me I really need to feel you close."

Serena didn't verbally reply she just nodded as she made her way to sit by Bernie this was harder then they had first anticipated they both couldn't fit without Serena hurting Bernie.

"I don't think this is going to work Bern I don't want to hurt you ill just sit on the chair by the bed."

"no it must I have seen hundreds if not thousands of patients who manage to fit two people on the bed we just have to think."

They both paused for a few moments before the idea hit Bernie.

"I've got it the only way you can get on so its comfortable would be to be leaning on me so alls we need to do is get you to be underneath me on angle so your legs and that are free but I would be leaning on your chest right now if I just sit up..." As Bernie went to sit up she was hit by the pain in her body all hitting her at once she had actually forgot she had been impaled.

"owww"

"Bernie don't hurt yourself it's fine please lie back down."

"I'm fine it just pulled a bit when I went to sit up I did it too fast if you help me up slowly it will be fine honest anyway what's a little pain when I am going to be cuddled up to you."

Doing as was told Serena gently helped Bernie to sit before realized that they could of just used the bed as well it would of sat Bernie up then she wouldn't of had to stretch so much. Once Bernie was sitting up Serena carefully got on the bed and sat behind Bernie as Bernie lowered herself down. Then there skin came into contact it sent fireworks going through each of their bodies.

They just sat for a while listening to each others breaths feeling so content that they had finally found their other half the piece of them that had been missing their entire lives. They were both lost in deep thoughts eventually the tiredness overtook and Bernie fell blissfully asleep clutching Serena's hand and safe in her embrace. Serena however didn't want to sleep she was to scared incase she hurt Bernie while she slept but she was just too happy to sleep she would rather watch Bernie sleep it was the most Beautiful thing in the world that she never got tired of watching it.

*knock* *knock*

Serena was brought out of her bubble when she heard the door she whispered for them to come in and was surprised when she saw Hansen stood at the door.

"I see Ms Wolfe is doing better." He said getting straight to the point.

"yes she is just resting Henrik I can't thank you enough for saving her I don't think I will ever be able to repay you."

"Serena do you really think I would of stood by and watch a friend suffer plus since we have become friends over the years It would be rude of me to not ask how you are doing, so how are you doing Serena and I want the truth." He sat down as he spoke making sure Serena knew he wanted answers.

"well since we are friends I am doing much better now I know she is alive I must apologize for how I ran out of theatre it was very unprofessional of me and the patient could of died but I guess you could say I am feeling better."

He studied her face for a second before replying to her.

"right well that is how you are feeling after recent events and forget about theatre it was a rational reaction now what I really want to know is how are you doing since Eleanor I know you have been struggling and I want you to know that if you want which I a professional and personal matter I recommend if you need to take some leave then that can be arranged."

"I admit I haven't been myself and I have already arranged to start going to therapy again and I think I break is just what I need to need to get away from here and clear my head even if it is until Bernie ie back on her feet or longer who knows but what about AAU and trauma if the both of us arent here."

"Serena leave the ward to me I will personally take care of things and I am sure ric will pitch in for now just focus on you and get yourself better and don't over do it trying to look after Bernie now will go and arrange everything now if you need anything don't worry about it just give me a call and I will see how I can help, take care Serena."

With that he left and he gave Serena a lot to think about what did she want to do from here she had no idea she didn't even know if she wanted to work at Holby anymore but one thing she did know that whatever she did she wanted to be doing it alongside her best friend and soul mate so maybe she would return maybe she just needed a break who knows what will happen.


	18. Chapter 18

Bernie awoke to sweat pouring down her head the same nightmare of Serena had plagued her mind causing her to awake she shifted slightly careful as to not awake a sleeping beauty in which she was using as a pillow. She wished there was away she could see Serena's face as she loved to just watch her sleep it was one of her favourite things in the whole world. Even though Bernie's whole body ached and she could feel the bags under her eyes she couldn't get back to sleep she was used to waking up and then not going back to sleep for another 12 or so hours. She just sat there looking around the room trying to find a phone or something that could tell her the time.

Looking to her right she saw the cabinet like thing at the side of her and saw the picture of her and Bernie she recognized it from Serena's bed side table it was one of her favourite pictures of the two of them. While looking at the photo of them she saw a piece of paper it looked like an envelope and it had her name on it. Reaching out her arm she was just able to grab it without causing herself to much harm when she got a closer look she recognized the handwriting straight away it was Serena's.

Looking at it for quite some time debating if she should open it or not before deciding to take to plunge she careful tore it open not wanting to make too much noise she unfolded the paper and began to read the words of her lover.

 _Bernie_

 _My how over these past few hours you have_ _scared me I nearly lost you and I don't think I could ever live if you weren't_ _here by my side without you my life just isn't_ _worth living. Everything that happened is all my fault and I know you think otherwise_ _but I let myself_ _get to that point I let the grief take over and it was me who pushed you away when I knew deep down I needed you most. I wish I could go back and some how fix myself_ _I mean after all we have been through I wasted another few months with you_ _life is so precious_ _I know that now I mean I never thought I would outlive_ _my own daughter but this is the hand I have been dealt so I need to find way to cope._

 _Last night was by far one of the worst nights for me I mean first I nearly ended my own life well I thought that's what I was doing it was really a cry for help I think and standing there on the_ _edge I finally felt free like all the pain I was feeling was going to go away but then you came my big macho army medic and everything changed I mean at first I tried to convince_ _myself_ _that I didn't need you and that it had all_ _been pretending_ _that's why I tried to hurt you and again push you away I didn't want you to be caught_ _up in the explosion. But when you stood on the_ _edge with me hand in hand and you were going to sacrifice_ _everything_ _you had just for me I felt such love that I was overwhelmed_ _in fact I think the real reason went up there was just to see if you did really care no not care I know you always cared about me and I mean when you shouted_ _you loved me in the_ _toilets I guess I get_ _scared but it don't_ _know why as for a while now I have loved you._

 _I_ _just needed you by my side to help me through everything and I didn't even know this until the roof and then all this love for you that I had been trying to subside came rushing into me I well I just needed you_ _I guess we both needed each other_ _just a bit_ _stupid that we forgot where we were but I pushed you without thinking and I nearly killed you Bern god I nearly killed you seeing all the blood pour out I panicked_ _and that was the worst thing to do I mean I am a bloody doctor or crying out loud I face death and danger almost everyday so why did I freak I guess I know the answer it was because it was you seeing my soul mate me best friend in so much pain even if you weren't_ _showing it I could see it in your eyes. In that moment I knew that it was me who caused that and well I panicked_ _that I could cause this to you._

 _God I am rambling_ _now but I need no I want you to know how I was feeling I need you to know how much love I have for you. God Bernie seing you on that operating table and then when I watched them fight to keep you alive I felt my whole world around me crumble a million different emotions went through my mind but one more than_ _any. Fear the fear that I would never see those eyes that can speak a thousands words with just one look. Fear that them strong macho arms would never hold me again fear that id never here that sexy voice of yours or hear you laugh fill or office. Those lips fear that I would never feel the soft touch of them lips against mine. Fear that Id never see you across_ _the ward in those scrubs and id have to focus myself so I didn't get distracted_ _by how drop dead gorgeous_ _you looked. I was in fear of never feeling you hands touch mine or feel them on every inch_ _of my body or that I would never watch them perform miracles_ _that no one_ _else would be able to do._

 _Bernie alls I am trying to say is that you are my guardian_ _angel I think back to the first time we met when you said "engine been growling or whining" I think of how even in that moment I felt something about you even though I didn't know how I would grow to love you I felt there was something about you but I pushed it away not really thinking about it. As much as I would love to go back to that moment and tell myself_ _to just kiss you as it would change my life for the better I wouldn't as it would of meant I ever got my best friend you are my best friend even in those_ _months where we were_ _just friends there was always those looks that we shared or the body contact that lasted that little_ _but to long to not be suspicious._

 _I_ _am glad it took us a while until_ _we well until we became us as it meant I get the best of both world I get my best friend and my soul mate all in one and that is the perfect combination. You are my perfect person I love every inch of you and I am going to make sure that I try my best to look after and_ _love you with every breath or oxygen in my body as you are so special that you deserve it._

 _I_ _love you so_ _much that it literally hurts I hope this message has made senses as I just needed you to know not that you didn't already but well sitting here watching you with all these tubes stuck in you makes me pretty emotional I mean who would of thought my life you really start to begin at the grand_ _age of 50 well certainly not me. Well_ _see you soon my darling here's to the rest of our lives_ _together._

 _Love always your Serena xxx_

When Bernie had finished she was aware if the tears that were falling down her face she couldn't believe that this was what Serena had felt well she knew she had admired her but all the stuff about the roof she had no idea she felt the exact same way but she didn't know how she was going to tell Serena this.

Little did Bernie know but Serena had awoken while Bernie had been reading but didn't want her to know she was watching her read her words of love but also of pain. She was just hoping that Bernie felt the same way but it's not like she could just ask her she knew how Bernie was one to convey her feeling so easily. She would just have to wait.

"I love you Serena Campbell." Bernie said as she hoped the sleeping Serena would hear her she folded the letter and put it back in the envelope and placed on the cabinet starting to think of how she could tell her feeling to Serena as she so wanted to.

Reaching around on the bed she soon found what she was looking for and entwined her hand with Serena's and lifted it to her face a pressed her lips to it. Before settling down and feeling the wave of tiredness take over as she started drift off once again. Serena herself heard sleep calling her squeezing her lovers arms and whispering her love for her before falling into a deep sleep. Both women dreaming of their future together and for the first time in a long time they felt at peace.

When fetch came in a little while later to complete the obs he looked at the scene before him and smiled at the two women who he was glad were finally finding happiness he looked at them and all he could feel was the love he whipped out his phone and took a picture of the scene before him once taking it he did the obs then sent to pic to Serena with the caption. "never stop being happy you make everyone around you believe in finding true love at last"

With that he left the room smiling to himself knowing that his two mothers were finally back to how they should be together and in love.


End file.
